Circumstances forced me here…

In contrast to the other spaces in the house, my room – well, what used to be my room, needed some tidying. However, I didn’t think it was the simple case of my parents neglecting my room. Neither things on my desks nor tables belonged to me. But the apparent activity in this room brought back fond memories of myself and the person who currently sleeps in it.

“Your brother won’t be back until later tonight – said he was busy on an assignment.” She was standing at the door, holding a cup of hot drink.

“Just like you before, hm?”

She placed the cup gently on the table and I immediately knew what is was from the unmistakable shade of brown.

“Hot Milo – without sugar, how you always liked it,” she smiled.

It was hard to face her with all the love and understanding she’s showing me and the shame and disappointment I could only give in return. I slumped onto the bed and stared at the floor, feeling my tears swell up. I felt her hand rest on my lap.

“Pa said that he was going to send you some money. But you know how he is. Forgetful and always doing things at the last minute!”

I couldn’t spit out my words. I was gripped by shame, appalled at myself.

“You know, I was talking with your sister over the phone last night and she said that she misses us, especially you. She was planning to visit you in case you get lonely.”

“Yeah, it can get lonely.” I hate the sound of my voice.

“Don’t you have friends?”

I hate that question. It sounded like something you’d ask a high schooler.

“I just haven’t found someone I can completely depend and trust on. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there!”

“Well, you can still depend on us.”

Then silence, silence ringing so loudly it felt like it was going to explode.

“You have been depending on us since you were born, and now that you’re making your own living, that doesn’t mean you have to completely depend on your own by now. Money and career cannot give you everything.”

“But I’m supposed to be able to sustain myself by now! I shouldn’t be depending on you and Pa anymore. That’s not what someone of my age is supposed to do!”

“Yes, maybe for someone who does not have or have lost their family!”


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